Blowfunkle’s origins are somewhat hazy, and marred by the illegitimate way in which they finally came together.
Crime Lord Hosin Chuwah of Macclesfield, in the North of England, came across the members when they attempted to mug him whilst on a business trip to Hull – also of the North of England. Rather than have them tortured and executed, which was well within his power, he took a liking to the energy of the young group and decided to make them a focal point of one of his criminal ventures.
“The idea was simple,” Mr Chuwah recalls. “we were to use the band as front to move hard drugs and women around the country. It worked well at first, real well. Once things got under way we were literally making hundreds of pounds a month. Hot meals changed from being the exception to the rule. It was perfect, too perfect.”
Before long the audiences showing up to the gigs were singing along with the words. They’d bring banners, and attempt to physically touch members of the band when the opportunity presented itself.
“It was unbelievable,” Robi, guitarist of the band laughed. “It was like people thought we were a real band.”
It was at this point the members of Blowfunkle decided to go straight, leave the human trafficking behind, and try and make a legit career out of making music.
“When we told Mr Chuwah,” Robi continues. “He went quiet at first, then ballistic. He started loading his gun, so we started running, and it’s been that way ever since.”
The band remain in a state of hiding, making mainstream success all the more difficult to achieve, but they are optimistic that they can break through.
“We have to plan our moves carefully.” Alan, drummer of Blowfunkle, let slip. “So far Mr Chuwah has mistakenly had the drummer of the punk band ‘Outer Labia’ castrated, and all members of the Neo-Nazi death metal band ‘All you need is Love’ savaged by a feral Frenchman. We’ve been lucky so far.”
“They have somehow managed to stay one step ahead of me.” Mr Chuwah concedes. “But it’s only a matter of time. The people should enjoy and appreciate Blowfunkle’s music while they still can, because I will end them very soon.”